One thing that helped me with, for example, saying "No!" in the instant that the "No!" is needed rather than, for example, an hour later, or a day later when it only serves to beat myself up, is to change my self image.
In my new self image - which I still use to this very instant - is that I carry around an energetic Sword of Clarity with me. I am the Sword of Clarity. You don't get me without my Sword. End of story.
The Sword of Clarity is one of a Possibility Manager's 13 tools.
About half the time my Sword of Clarity rests at my left side slid into my belt, parallel to the ground like a Japanese Samurai sword.
However, more often than I ever imagined I carry my Sword of Clarity in my right hand, ready for action at all times. It is a natural part of being present. It sharpens my attention. It focuses my action energy of anger.
With my Sword out it is easy to make distinctions, this or that, now or later or never, yes or no, me or you or the other person or no one, stop or go, all these moment to moment decisions, I make with little movements of the sword. Clear. Simple. Efficient.
With my sword drawn I can ongoingly distinguish as an experience if the offer being made to me is fair or unfair, if I can be adult, or if it is necessary to use Completion Loops, my Disk of Nothing, my Possibility Paintbrush, my Declaration Wand, or any of a large number of other Possibility Management tools and distinctions to navigate the situation into greater clarity and possibility.
If I hold my Sword out, the world in front of me conforms to my sword. I have become visible, an active player in life.
I can even hold out more than one sword with multiple energetic arms at the same time, like the Hindu gods. No problemo.
See if you can experiment with your sword. You might come to love your sword as much as I love mine.
An Energetic Tool.
Your Sword of Clarity is an energetic tool. Clarity does not appear in your mind, contrary to what we have been hammered into at school. Modern culture teaches us that if you understand, and comprehend and are logical then you have the tool you need to live life. Actually, our experience has shown us that understanding is a hindrance to life. It uses only one of our 5 bodies and a weak one at that. Relying on your mind to figured out Life is like thinking that Google search can save your relationship. One has actually nothing to do with the other.
Clarity is not held in your mind, it is held in your 5 bodies and in particular, distinctions are held in your energetic body. Distinctions create Clarity. Clarity creates Possibility. Possibility is probably one of the most undervalued currency of our time. Possibility is the number of real options available to that you have to choose from. Possibility comes from having Clarity. Clarity comes from having Distinctions. Your Sword of Clarity is your tool to apply distinction in reality.
There are mainly two reasons why you can't apply clarity/distinctions in reality. Either you are holding the distinction in your mind as a concept. This has proven to be dangerous because distinctions can be then used as a weapon by your Gremlin. The only way to have a distinction 'sink' down from your mind to your energetic body is through experientially experiencing the distinction, i.e. not in your mind. When a distinction travels to your Being (Energetic Body), your Box will reorders, you will go through a liquid state. You can feel it and other can see it when it happens. It often include that you will feel something, Use your Possibility Team to give you feedback & coaching and possibilities about experiments you can try to get the distinction.
The second reason is that it could well be that the distinction has traveled from your mind to your energetic body AND you have not changed your identity yet to include that distinction in your personality. You are serving something else than the nice person mask.